What's in the Stars

Over the weekend I spoke with my western astrologer*, partly to get an unpdate on my stars and partly because she is the mistress of a very famous author I love and I get some cool stories. She basically reiterated what she had said before, that this was my time to be working my ass off because in about a year and a half the universe was gonna start giving back i.e., publication. I was floored to hear that her boyfriend procrastinates like the devil and then writes his novels in like, six weeks. And doesn't rewrite them. The rat bastard. She said that Caleb had about 4 years to go before his fortunes were going to change to which he replied that the whole thing was bullshit anyway. I told him she said that he would say that, and then I quickly looked for somewhere to hide. She had information on Harlow which I was a little weirded out to accept. I have no problem consulting horoscopes and talking to psychics about what's in store for me. But, to me, Harlow is a Christmas present I get to open up every morning. I don't want anything to spoil what's inside. That said, she claimed that Harlow was going to be "exceedingly attractive" and magnetic but cursed with a terrible inner compass on who would make a proper mate. Sounds like every teenager I've ever met.

* My Cali roots run firm and deep, which means by default I engaged in the some of the shallowest of pursuits. At one point I had an agent on the wrong side of the hill, a manager who took me on because I was a leg model, a Beverly Hills therapist, a lesbian Pilates instructor with a TV pilot in the works, Bon Jovi's tour chiropractor, a Nambudiprad's Allergy Elimination Technique practitioner, an aesthetician who was divorced by a multimillionaire and still couldn't believe she "waxed punani" for a living, a GP who was the on-call physician for the Chateau Marmont, an agent for my dog, a vedic astrologer, a western astrologer, a psychic whose niece makes the best pastries in LA and a massage therapist who grew up with Joss Whedon.

Does that count as 1 of my 100 Things?