Thursday, April 05, 2007

Week 1

Today Harlow is officially a week old. Today Caleb and I are officially tired, awed, freaked and love drunk over our girl. It's absolutely earth shattering the feelings she inspires in me. Love, terror, fear, adoration, appreciation, humility. Today she spit up right in my face. I felt like I had just been through a rite of passage. Congrats. You are a mom. Now try and wipe off that spit up while you change her next to the giant pee stain and try to get that onesie over her head without smothering her.

My milk came in on Tuesday, and by milk I mean rock hard plastic jugs like the kind you find in the dairy section at the store that switched places with my breasts in the middle of the night. The fantastic news is that the nursing is going really, really well. I truly can't get over my luck at how I gave birth to a future professional food eater and she latches on like nobody's business. But then there is the rest of the day when she's not nursing, and my boobs feel like they are going to explode. They have to be D cups by now, and as the rest of my body is slowly shrinking back to normal, they just seem to get bigger. Anytime I leave the house I will have to have Harlow with me so I'm not mistaken for some wannabe porn star.

Have I mentioned how we have the most fabulous baby on the planet? I don't know what kind of blood sacrifice is going to be required of me in the future for my sweet deal, but right now we are loving our super mellow, typically sleeps about 4 or 5 hours at night rockstar baby. She rarely if ever screams, and she's really making motherhood go down easy.

But then there are the hormones. The ones that came with the milkman. These are nasty, supersize freak you out hormones. The kind that zapped all your confidence as a mother and a human being, that make you think you are going to royally F up your child or worse - you'll turn your head for one second and the big bad world will get her instead. I thought I knew fear before having a child. That wasn't nothing.

I think I'm gonna go love on her right now.

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