Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Hi there

Hi baby,

You know what's crazy? We get to meet you tomorrow, your dad and I. They are gonna induce me because of the whole diabetes thing and we're just a few days shy of the due date and the fact that you may likely fall out of me the next time I stand up.

Last night I got a little freaked out about the whole prospect. There's this show that I loved called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I know, lame name, great show. It had a spinoff called Angel, and there was this scene from the first episode I think, where Buffy and Angel, starcrossed lovers (you'll learn about that when you read Romeo and Juliet in high school), get to have this one amazing weekend together, but she is doomed to have her memory erased of the entire event. As the clock ticks toward the moment she'll forget forever, she fights it, insisting that she won't, that she will remember, that things won't have to change. And then the clock strikes, her memory is erased, and the Buffy that Angel knew for those precious days is lost to him forever.

I know it's insanely dorky me to reference a fantasy TV show, but that scene has truly haunted me these last few weeks. As the clocks ticks steadily toward the end of one life and the beginning of a completely new one, I just want to scream and yell and say that I will fight it, that things won't have to change. I won't have to grow up and take on the scariest, most awesome challenge known to mankind.

But I got to see you today at our last ultrasound. You were drinking, opening up this amazing little mouth, and then you sucked your thumb and kicked hello. And motherhood suddenly didn't seem so terrifying because meeting you has skyrocketed to the top of my priority list. Not my writing, not my travelling or scooting off to a movie or dinner with friends. Meeting you is pretty much all i want to do, and it looks like tomorrow I get my wish.

So, safe travels, godspeed and try not to kick me too much on the way out, ok? I'll see you on the otherside.



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