Thursday, March 15, 2007

37 weeks and counting

On our drive to dinner the other night:

Me: You know, I kinda hope its a boy.
C: Why's that?
Me: Because he'll be so handsome like his daddy. I just can't wait to see whose traits he'll end up with.
C: What do you want them to have of yours?
Me: sparkling wit...
C: mmhmmm
Me: My devastating good looks...
C: Your modesty?
Me: Of course. My mouth.
C: Your mouth?
Me: Yeah, I discovered I have a good mouth. Maybe its the hormones or something, but my lips seem really full. I have a great mouth.
C turns and studies my mouth.
C: Uh, sure.
He changes the subject. I can't believe he had to look. I can't believe I'm getting pissy. But still...I can't believe he looked. I have an awesome mouth.

I talked to Jill yesterday who was very excited by my news that I was officially 37 weeks - full freakin term.
"Are you calm?" she asked.
And it hit me. I was. And I am. It's like somebody threw a little switch in my head. I'm not scared anymore. I'm not anticipating pain or the scary hormones. I'm just ready and really excited. Maybe it's the knowledge that the baby is fully formed (with hair!) and can survive now that I'm 37 weeks. I'm just thankful for the calm. As long as it lasts...


My dream last night: Caleb's ex girlfriend had a baby boy and I was really happy for her but really frustrated that everybody around me but ME was having a kid.

And another crazy parent dream: I was at FedEx in the 1970s, around the time my dad started there as a young attorney. I showed up unexpectedly to visit him, passing secretaries dressed like Pan Am flight attendants, and was stunned to see him in his office shredding documents and smoking a giant stogie like he was some white collar felon. Which apparently he was about to be as the feds were coming to bust him. he also had kickass sideburns and a crazy 70s suit - very dream appropriate.

All I can assume from these dreams that unmask my wonderful loving parents as frauds as textbook PROJECTION on my part. For all this newfound "calm," apparently I'm still terrified at the kind of parent I'm going to turn out to be. Or II need to start watching my back when I meet the folks for lunch.

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