Friday

To the squirrel I killed today with my volvo:

I am sorry. I did not mean it.

To the spider on my dashboard that I killed today:

I am not sorry. I totally meant to kill you, and I would do it again.

Stupid spider. You made me kill that squirrel.

To the cat that pissed on my new(ish) rug. And bedroom carpet. And pile of recyclables:

I called the Cat Lady today. I told her that my daughter is allergic to cats and we're looking into relocation for you. It was a white lie. She's allergic to something.

I think it's to cats that piss all over the house.

To the restaurant that took an hour to bring our food to our table (the table which consisted of 2 toddlers, me, and a pregnant woman with the shakes she was so hungry:

Pregnant ladies are scary when they are denied food. Do not ever do that to me again.

To the house keys that always manage to unattach themselves from my car key:

The two of you have got to get over yourselves and work this out. Seriously.

To the husband who had to come home from work early and let me into the house:

I am sorry.

To cocktail hour yumminess, no rain, less pollen, pretty shoes, dusk, grown up conversation:

thank you.