Thursday, March 19, 2009


Today is one of those days that makes me grateful babies don't really have memories until they are 3. I have another year to stumble through Harlow's life before she knows me as the seven headed, craft-scissor wielding, proofreading, blogging, 30 Minute Shredding, rewriting, photo taking/editing hydra that is her mother.

Day started out presciently. The Sweazys collectvively slept in until 9 after a hazy 5 AM up/down. I don't know if it was something we ate or something brewing in the sky or perhaps it was my good-at-the-time cocktail of zyrtec and wine, but we awoke groggy and confused and suspicious. My dreams were fiercely elemental - blood, shit, urine, holes in the ground and the sky. Dirt. I was eating rocks at one point. The kind of dream that makes you wish you had a dream dictionary handy, but your gut is telling you that your brain and your innards were just having a powwow.

Sure enough my period arrived an hour after I awoke and with it, the mushroom cloud of estrogen and doom. Dude, sometimes it is just F-ed up being a girl. These hormones are no joke. Especially now that Pill and I are over. We had a long run together and then a brief dalliance that made me remember exactly why we had broken up in the first place. I now feel kind of wild in my own body, free, open, knowing with this kind of wonder exactly when I am ovulating, when the testosterone is dropping, the salt cravings are ramping up, yet I am still shocked. SHOCKED that my period arrives when it does. And Caleb just shakes his head at me like he does every month. He doesn't understand how a person can have something happen so routinely for roughly half their life so far and still be so clueless. I'm telling you, I'm telling him - just try an be a girl for an hour. This hour.

Anybody get that drowning feeling, too?

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