FES News - Valentine's Edition

Moms are good for a lot of things. Unconditional love, laundry and something particularly valuable of late - free storage. It's not so much that I'm a freeloader but that my mom is an unrepentant pack rat. Over the years she's saved the report cards, the yearbook photos, the earnest short stories. And then there are the 3rd place ribbons, the Most Improved Swimmer trophy, the framed bad poetry, the items that didn't necessarily declare themselves save-able but there they are, a box of my mediocrity preserved for posterity.

Until she got the bug to start cleaning.

To give you an idea of the scale and scope of this project, she had to hire Two Men and a Truck to come help her haul out the sea of stuff, except it was more like three huge part-time bouncers* and a couple of 18 wheelers. The other day I came over to see what had made the cut, and I was thrilled to be presented with this mini-museum of me. There was my favorite doll, a gift from my dad when he was overseas. The ex-boyfriend boxes, the shoe boxes crammed with the folded love letters, movie tickets stubs and notes with little nicknames and in-jokes that no longer made any sense. And fortuitously, she had saved a copy of the FES News: Valentine's Day edition 1989. I was the co-editor of my elementary school paper, and I and my staff extensively polled the student body to get their thoughts on what was hot and so not. Sorry Target. Eighth Graders say you officially suck. You and the Judds.



And then there is the Dr. Frankenstein-ish poll of your dream seventh or eighth grader. Happy Valentine's Day!







* How to be a bouncer:

1. Be an asshole
2. Stand next to a door.
3. I love Demetri Martin