Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Weaning

So this weaning thing.

Baby girl is just shy of 15 months and we, I've decided it's time. We started nightweaning about a month ago and it went surprisingly well. She's been sleeping 10-12 hours most nights, and I'm getting something close to 7 or 8 as I am not the one who has to go to her at night anymore when she does wake. But the days are hard. Telling her no and watching her face crumple is excruciating. She is easily distracted by shiny objects and stays upbeat, but in those moments I feel like the worst mother in the world. How dare I refuse her?

If I wasn't depressed enough, the hormones are kicking my ass. About a month ago I bent over to pick something up and was overcome by a wave of nausea. I had barely stood up straight before I was at Walgreens buying pregnancy tests just to be sure. And to be really sure I took about 3. (By the way, yes, pee sticks are INSANELY expensive. So I understand why they are under lock and key at the Walgreens. But really? Under lock and key? So some dude has to sit there and shift back and forth and rattle his keys while I try to figure out which doohickey is the best bargain?) The nausea lingered long enough to make me concerned but faded before it turned into Something. And then I am just awful at remembering to take the zoloft at the same time everyday, and ooh man you just don't want to skip one of those. Dizziness, ickiness. I figured it was just the meds. But this getting sick happened 4 times in as many weeks. And I just now made the connection today that each time it coincided with me dropping a feeding. Because I am weaning "gradually" I figured that exempted me from feeling any side effects. But there is nothing gradual about a 5:30 AM feeding followed by a 7:30 PM one. My breast looked like it was made out of mashed potato and I tossed and turned from the heat coming out of my body. This morning I couldn't keep food down and was still fighting a queasy stomach through the afternoon.

The nausea finally left, but the sadness lingered. I'm ready. It's just so much harder when all I want to do is cry, eat m&ms and put a bag over my ugly head.

Hormones suck ass.

5 comments:

natalie said...

Good luck with weaning - I'm sure it's not easy. Sorry to hear about the nausea that you're getting! Our little one is 10 months, so I'm not quite ready to wean, but I am trying to start to learn about it. Good luck to you and H.

Kristy said...

Call me crazy, but that all sounds way harder than nursing a toddler.

Melissa said...

I couldn't agree with you more. But mama needs to up her meds, and I don't think Harlow needs any more junk in her system.

CarrieJ said...

I was lucky with my first, she self weaned at 13 months. It was pretty gradual so it did not phase me. My new guy though is 8 months and I think I have thrush. I am hoping to power through this, just not ready to wean yet -though the hubby sure is :)

Christy said...

I never got the chance to wean, because I never breastfed. I am on medication that passes through breastmilk, and I had to make an executive decision. I decided that although I wanted to breastfeed, and I knew that breastmilk was best for my babies, I didn't feel comfortable medicating my children for an illness they don't possess. One of the many tough decisions I have had to make when it comes to my children. I believe we have to do what is best individually for our families. Hang in there and try not to be too hard on yourself. Just because you decide to wean doesn't make you a bad mom or mean that you love her less. It just means what it means. You don't feel comfortable feeding her your increased dosage of medication. Nothing wrong with that.

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