Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Harlow 0 - Mosquitos 24

Dear Mosquitos,

Okay. Here's the thing. I understand that outside is your turf. We suit up, bathe in Deet and do our best to get from the house to the car without getting devoured, but let's be honest. It's your world. We're just sweet, hot bloody messes moving through it. But can you please give the kid a break? I mean, look at this face.

Look at her hand! Who gets bites on their hand? My kid, that's who! What you can't see are the bites on the other cheek, her thighs, her arms, the bottom of her feet. All the child wants to do is go "side" and when she does, she is Thanksgiving dinner. From the 20 feet from the door to the car, she averages about 2 bites. Do you lie in wait? Discuss battle strategy? We've discussed keeping her locked inside the house until October, and as we were doing so, you landed on her face and bit her. Twice. Did I mention this happened in our dining room?

And these bites! I don't know what freaky supersized bug juice you inject into her, but my sweet baby looks like she has the plague. Big, angry red welts that take on average of 6 weeks to fade away, the kind that seriously put my photoshop skills to the test and prompt my nephews to ask What IS that on her FACE?

So I know you're not going to stop, but just bite me instead, ok? Bite me.


Chip said...

It's happening to Chloe too. HUGE bites, the size of a quarter, which swell up and actually are warm to the touch. Might be some kind of allergy to the critterjuice, or maybe the critters are just mutated monsters this summer.

Anonymous said...

This might come as a surprise to you, but your daughter is not special, everyone gets bug bites, why should she be an exemption? Hello?
And I cannot believe you named her Harlow...that has to be one of the worst names I've ever heard. She will get teased mercilessly in school and be miserable, (they'll definitely call her "Harlot").

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Melissa said...

Hi Anonymous,

Sounds like you speak from experience. With a name like Anonymous, I can't imagine how often you were picked on (unless you actually are still in high school). It's the only explanation I can think of for name calling a BABY.

If you are ready to discuss the difficulties of pet ownership while navigating the hardships of first time parenting, (that's how you found this blog, right?) I'm happy to address your concerns. Surely as a parent and pet owner yourself, you understand the challenges, right?

But if you're only here to behave like a toddler, don't let me interrupt. I've got my hands full enough as it is.

Carmen said...

Dear Anonymous ( I’ll even bet that it isn’t really your name! )

After reading your comments, I’ve been quite tempted to respond, somewhat in kind, to the childish remarks that you have left on this blog. Realizing that I would be giving in to the negativity that you are spreading, I am choosing to try to give you some much-needed yet non-solicited advice. You appear to have a passion for animals; this is commendable. However, to advance your cause, you would be better served to start your own blog, be up front about who you are and what your agenda is, then write away to your heart’s content, trying to do something positive for your supposed cause.
So far you have:
*lurked in blogs that have no connection to you or your cause(Babble is a parenting site; I’m trusting my gut here by assuming that you are not a parent) I guess you found the site by googling “pets”.
*completely missed the point of the original blog entry; the upshot was that she does love her pets; a point you chose to ignore since you were looking for something at which to rant
*followed the writer to her personal blog site and attacked her toddler ( !!! )
*done all of this under the cloak of anonymity
To sum up, you have won no one to your cause and you certainly haven’t left a good impression of who you are.