hurts

Today is not a banner day for pregnancy. Got the official word that I have gestational diabetes. I have zero of the risk factors listed on every website I could find on the subject: I'm not overweight, I exercise regularly, eat well*, I'm causcasian and have no family history, but now I am doubly at risk for diabetes with my next pregnancy and for developing Type 2 diabetes later in life. This news came approximately the same minute I got an email from the agent I had been praying would take an interest in my book saying, in fact, she hadn't.

So big ole pity party here with the mama to be.

On the bright side, the strict diet I will have to adopt will almost ensure that I fit back into my skinny jeans sooner rather than later. And we leave for LA early in the AM, so being among so many friends again will certainly lift my spirits. It's just hard right now not to feel like I've already failed as a mom somehow. That eating chocolate or french fries has put my baby at risk for obesity and diabetes in their lifetime. I know its a stupid and unproductive way of digesting the news, but this is how my brain works.

* in the interest of full disclosure, it was only last week that I gave up my big indulgence - my (once a ) daily coca cola.