ache-y breaky heart

Blah day in the hood. Missing LA hard right now. Missing friends, food, warm weather. We had a high of 36 today and the news keeps talking about the "wintry mix" to expect after midnight. I keep envisioning a giant frozen salad to rain upon us as we sleep. I had a nice lunch with Mom (soon to-be Nana) today and as she loaded up my car with boxes of my high school crap and shadowbox framed poems and stuffed animals, she told me how happy she was I was back home. It makes me happy that she's so happy - I just wish I felt the same peace being back here. Don't get me wrong - I love my family and we're super close and it's great getting to know them all as people again. But sometimes I just hate it here. Ok, deep breath.

I hate that smoking is still allowed in every restaurant and bar, seriously cutting down my opportunities to go out and meet new folks and hear music. I hate that it is so fucking difficult to eat out healthily, especially now that I'm dealing with the whole diabetes drama. I hate that they inexplicably shortened Fresh Air to a half-hour on one of the few news radio stations here. I hate that I hear Whitney Houston and that fucking Lips of an Angel song 4 out of every 5 times i turn on the radio. I hate that our local, closest grocery store, the bain of this side of town's existence, makes me want to gouge out my eyes and stab a fellow shopper everytime I'm forced to go there. I hate that there are verty few boutiques and urban-cool shops. (Thank God for the internet) I hate the weather. I hate that I am now part of the SUV revolution swallowing up this town. I hate that there is a church on every block, packed with said SUVs and W stickers. I hate that I live in a red state and not a select city. And worst of all, I hate hating Memphis, because I'm not going awywhere for awhile.

Baby has been strangely subdued today - I'm wondering if because I feel like I'm coming down with something that they are chilling out as well. Dad copied the VHS 4-D ultrasound onto a DVD, so getting to watch the little one considerably brightened my day. I'm sure the grumpiness will pass. I just hurt and I want chocolate and I know I've got at least 8 more weeks of this to go.