Beast

These hormones are kicking my ass.

They make me want to kick your ass.

Ok. Honestly? Smurfette could challenge me to a rumble and I would curl up in a ball and sob like the whiny baby I am. Days away from turning 33 and I am suddenly 15 again, hating my body, imagining slights, picking fights and writing really bad love poetry. Ok, not the last part. But seriously. I'm here to tell you that if you have stumbled here after googling weaning/worst.pms.ever/4 day headache/moodswings/gut-punching guilt you are not alone. I cannot begin to tell you how I relieved I feel after stumbling around on my favorite help site - The Berkeley Parents Forum - and reading post after post written by women who cut their babies off from the tap and suddenly thought they were losing their fucking minds.

To my sweet husband, who when making the mistake of pointing out today that I "seemed really edgy" and I replied with "HAVE YOU NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION OF COURSE I AM EDGY. I HAVE JUST HAD MY ALL OF MY HORMONES REPLACED WITH THOSE OF THE YOUNGEST JONAS BROTHER," there is happily a medical explanation. Fortunately I also chose as my best friend a conveniently located acupuncturist who is using her Chinese voodoo to help keep the beasts at bay. From what I can see from my online research, the worst of it should pass in about a month, when I will hopefully still be married and permitted to handle the kitchen knives.

They should totally make a pill for this. Oh wait. They do. I take them. Hmmm. Maybe take more?


Another fallout of the hormonal onslaught is a return to pre-Zoloft levels of zero concentration. Somehow I have managed to get the Veiled manuscript finished, and submissions are going out shortly. But I now spend every second of my free time spinning the Which Stupid Story Am I'm Supposed To Be Working On Wheel and then getting pissed off that I can't commit to one, and somewhere in Arizona there is a stupid Mormon housewife who is juggling three kids and vaccuming and writing, on average, about a novel a day.

Not that I am jealous.

Just hormonal.