Mama

A haiku:

2 tests in a box
The first one was negative
Two lines say "SURPRISE!"

I am going to be a mother.

Holy shit.

As a former college student, Angeleno and now wife, I've taken my fair share of pregnancy tests, and I am well acquainted with the one line. The reassuring thing about taking a pregnancy test as you are sweating bullets and imagining breaking the shocking news to your baby daddy and wearing elastic waistbands and screaming through labor like they do on TV is that the one line pops up almost instantaneously. It says, Calm down now, you paranoid little wretch who is on the pill. All is well, and remember that promise you made in the bathroom to God next time you decide to get it on.

But this time, the one line wasn't there.

I had taken a test just days before, and it was negative. The one line said "Go ahead and make your nine months pregnant sister order you a glass of wine just to rub it in." I wasn't pregnant.

But days later, my period was still MIA. And there was one test left in the box. So I took it, and that one line didn't come. I stared at the two little windows, waiting for the line, wondering if maybe the test was defective. Or...

And that's when the 2 lines appeared.

60 seconds later my husband and i were laughing and crying on the couch, staring at a stick that said everything is about to change.

I am going to be a mother. And I'm really happy about that. And when I'm scared shitless, I'll write about that, too.